


the most beautiful moment in my life

by awhalenamedblue



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, M/M, basically 3k of word vomit, god this is so edgy i hate it thanks, i don't think the tags are important, johnkun, please don't read, pretty much pulled this out of my ass in one sitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 03:14:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18930154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awhalenamedblue/pseuds/awhalenamedblue
Summary: If there was any moment Johnny cherish the most, it would be the afternoon he spent with Kun in the small village outskirts of Fujian, in their little house where they just sit comfortably on the couch and talk about anything and everything, Kun would lay his head against his chest and their fingers intertwined with promises for the future.





	the most beautiful moment in my life

**Author's Note:**

> “내 생에 가장 아름다운 시간: The most beautiful moment in my life”
> 
> title taken from k.will's beautiful moment (내 생에 아름다운), this song is pretty much what made this fic happen hence the bits of the lyrics scattered here and there. you can look up for the lyrics and listen to the song while at it! i hope you enjoy it and not betaed haha what's that anyways *sweats*
> 
> tagged Mature for the slight sexual scene yeehaw

If there was any moment Johnny cherish the most, it would be the afternoon he spent in the small village outskirts of Fujian, in their little house where they just sit comfortably on the couch and talk about anything and everything, Kun would lay his head against his chest and their fingers intertwined with promises for the future.

 

_햇살 안은 밤하늘 수평선 멀리_

_그대의 별 되어 늘 그대를 지킬게요_

_내 생에 가장 아름다운 시간들_

 

The line of job that Johnny had demanded most of his time to be traveling to every part of the world and also his life on the line. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he set his foot in one country for longer than a week but there would always be one he always come back to. It wasn’t Chicago where he was born, not Seoul where the HQ was located, but a small town in the outskirts of Fujian.

Johnny adjusted the sling of his bag into his shoulder, careful not to move his casted arm accidentally as he stared up to the unforgiving summer sun and then down to the sign written in Chinese characters that Johnny always failed to read correctly despite seeing it too many times and then lower again to the entrance.

Johnny exhaled, knocked on the wooden door in a memorized rhythm, one knock, four rapid knocks followed with final two knocks and then, there would be the familiar sound of locks being unclicked open from the other side of the door and Johnny would take a few steps back.

“Hi.” Johnny greeted when a familiar figure appeared behind the door and he smiled, a little crooked and the fondness in his eyes fooled no one who saw it. “I missed you.”

Any other day, he would be greeted with a welcoming hit or if he was unlucky, a broom or any household item. Any other day, he would be greeted with a harsh tug on his sleeves and his back slammed against the wall when the door shut close. Any other day, he would be greeted with a tight hug that left him breathless. Any other day, he would be greeted with a smile matching his own and a soft ‘welcome home’ rolling off Kun’s tongue.

But today was none of those, Kun was silent as he stared down Johnny and Johnny was quick to notice the sliver of fear reflected in Kun’s eyes. His first instinct was to reach the back of his pocket where his gun was always safely armed there but then Kun looked at him in the eyes, brimming with tears before he launched himself at Johnny.

Kun buried his face in the crook of his neck, sobs were muffled with how hard he pressed his face against his skin and tears staining his shirt. Johnny circled his good arm around Kun’s waist, savoring the scent that hit his nose when he inhaled, Kun smelled like pine, medicine and _home_.

“I’m home.” Johnny said with a small laugh and Kun only hugged him tighter.

They stayed just like that for another few minutes before Johnny had to forcefully peel a sobbing Kun away from his body, much to the other’s dismay, to finally step into their home. Kun was still sniffling when Johnny turned around to lock the door again. Johnny put his bag on the floor and strode over to where Kun was standing, standing so close that Kun had to look up to meet his eyes. Johnny cupped Kun’s cheek with one hand while his thumb wiped the still rolling tears away and Johnny leaned close to kiss his lover’s forehead.

“I’m home.” Johnny said again, firmer and with more assurance that he was physically there and not Kun’s figment of imagination.

“Welcome home, idiot.” Kun replied in between of his hiccups and Johnny laughed at that.

Johnny realized he missed Kun dearly.

 

_깊어져만 가는 밤하늘 별빛은 여전히_

_그 자리 그대를 기다리죠_

 

“How’s your arm?” Kun asked when they finally sat down, his back facing Johnny as he stirred some ingredients in the pan. _It smells good_ , Johnny mused silently.

“They’ll let me take off the cast–” Johnny paused, sinking further into his seat, “when I get back.” he said, bitterness obvious in his tone and he didn’t miss the way Kun’s shoulders tensed so he looked away, choosing to find anything that had changed around the house in his absence.

Johnny noticed how the drawer that was once in the corner of _their_ bedroom was moved to the living room and how the framed pictures on the wall seemed to double in quantity as Johnny scanned unfamiliar faces smiling alongside his lover, Kun would tell him all about it later, he always did. Johnny’s eyes caught a kid drawing framed nicely at the top corner, two sticks figure with one wearing a white robe while the other, smaller with a teddy bear in their arms and then their names scribbled on top of each head. His gaze then fell into one of the many old pictures they took together while doing the most mundane things, how their expressions in the pictures showed no care about the actual reality, just the world they created for themselves.

The click of the stove being turned off brought Johnny’s attention back to Kun, who had a wok in one hand and spatula in the other, carefully transferring the cooked food into the big plate and he watched Kun move to where the rice cooker at, filling the bowl generously before serving it in front of Johnny.

“Eat.” Kun simply said and Johnny obliged, not realizing how hungry he was until his nose picked up the smell of Kun’s homemade food that made his stomach rumble. So he didn’t waste any time, taking the spoon since chopsticks were out of question when his bad arm happened to be his right one, yet he struggled with it.

Kun obviously noticed that and a grin slowly made an appearance on his face, “Want me to feed you?”

“I’m good.” Johnny retorted with a grunt, taking another bite of food to show the other he was perfectly capable and fine.

“You can’t even use the spoon!” Kun responded with a laugh, “like a baby.”

Johnny narrowed his eyes, “Says the one who cried like a baby.”

“That’s unfair!” Kun gasped and the small smile on Johnny’s face came out victorious in contrary to Kun’s pouted one.

He finished the meal with a satisfied smile, taking Kun’s hand into his own when the other tried to take the plates away. Kun only looked at him questioningly and Johnny merely smiled, drawing him closer.

It wasn’t only Kun that needs to be reminded that he was home.

 

_한참을 말하지 않아도_

_그대 두 눈 들여다보면 나는 알아요_

_그대를 느끼죠_

 

If Johnny was asked what is his favorite thing to do in the world, it would be mapping every part, slopes, and dips of Kun’s body with his hands or lips or even both. It was a very intimate thing that Johnny loved to do, it didn’t have to always end up with sex because the only purpose Johnny had in mind was to show Kun how he loved every single inch of his body.

Johnny paused when his eyes landed on the scars on his lover’s lower hip, his one arm is slightly shaking from having to hold his weight so he bent down, pressing his lips against the scar as if it would disappear once he kissed it.

When Johnny closed his eyes, the memory was still fresh in his head, like it happened just yesterday instead of two years ago. It was exactly like a broken VHS playing the same scene on repeat in his mind, continuously reminding Johnny of Kun lying on the ground and Johnny, never one to be religious had prayed to any deity out there to save the love of his life as he held Kun close. Hundreds of thoughts crossed his mind with the what ifs and the could have beens. Would Kun still be living in the bustling city of Seoul with him, doing what he loved in the big hospital instead of a small house clinic at the barely known village?

“Youngho.”

Johnny snapped out of his thoughts at the call of his birth name, how it sounded so foreign after not hearing it for so long and how different it sounded when Kun was the one saying it. He exhaled and if Kun could see the sadness in his expression, he didn’t say it.

 

_한동안 그대 외로이 힘없이 지나간 나날들_

_나는 아파요 그대를 느끼죠_

 

Johnny stirred awake at the slight finger touch on his cheek, a weight on his chest and Johnny was quick to assume that Kun was awake and lying on top of him. He continued pretending to be asleep as he waited, the finger moved to his nose and Johnny couldn’t hold back scrunching his nose at the ticklish feeling and the touch was gone. Then the finger was back again, trailing the outlines of his lips and Johnny cracked his eyes open, only to meet Kun’s own, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights.

“What are you doing?” His words came out mumbled, the corner of his lips curled into a small smile as he watched Kun’s cheek turned red, obvious even under the dim light of the bed lamp.

No response was made, only Kun starting to poke on his cheeks and Johnny just watched silently.

“You’re real.” Johnny almost missed it, Kun whispered so quietly that it took him a while to register it. Johnny looked at him funny, he had been here for the past two days, had been physically in contact with his lover.

“I am,” Johnny let out a chuckle, “You can kiss me to make sure if you want to.”

The next thing he knew, Kun was cupping his cheeks and then warm soft lips were pressed against his own plush ones, it was chaste, languid and no sense of urgency at all as if they had all the time in the world, both clearly aware how they were only fooling themselves. Johnny reveled in the way Kun’s lips moved against his own, it was overwhelming in a good way when the sweetness hit, indulging himself more in the addictive taste that only Kun owns, something he was deprived of for so long that it felt like an eternity.

Johnny only had a second to inhale some air back into his lungs when Kun peeled off him, only for his breathe to be taken away again when Kun dipped in for another one, tilting his head slightly to kiss him deeper and Johnny was more than happy to return it with the same eagerness, fully knowing that Kun’s intention to double check his existence wasn’t another fever dream.

The happiness didn’t last long, not when Johnny felt he died a little bit inside when a single drop of tear hit his cheek and Kun avoided his gaze the moment Johnny opened his eyes again.

“Love?” Johnny called softly and when he tipped his lover’s chin up, more tears rolled down Kun’s cheek.

Johnny’s heart shouldn’t have fluttered at the sight, but it did. He marveled at how beautiful Kun looked like even full of tears like that. How funny and cruel love could be.

“I thought I lost you,” Kun whispered, voice broken from the sniffling and sobbing.

Johnny didn’t respond, instead of resting his hand on Kun’s cheek and the latter immediately leaned into his hand as Johnny’s thumb working to wipe the tears away.

“I didn’t know what to do when Jaehyun called— when he said you’re—“

Johnny shook his head, silently telling Kun not to finish his sentence when he couldn’t but the other just sobbed more.

“I couldn’t even reach anyone to ask about you and you—“ Kun exhaled, “suddenly just showed up.”

Johnny felt his face burning red in shame and regrets flooding his insides like a wildfire. He felt shame for thinking about when he almost lost Kun two years ago and only to end up leaving him alone, in somewhere he wasn’t familiar with, in somewhere no one knew who he was, somewhere that wasn’t anywhere near Johnny to be safe. Johnny felt regrets for robbing Kun away from the life he was used to, only because of Johnny’s selfish decision to keep him alive. While he was stuck in the past. Kun was questioning for the uncertain future.

Johnny kissed the top of his lover’s head, closing his eyes as his own tears streamed down his face. “I’m sorry,” was all he could mutter.

“Just come home with me. Please.”

 

_내 맘 흐르는 하늘을 바라봐줘요_

 

They didn’t talk about it in the morning, didn’t comment about how their eyes were bloodshot and swollen but instead, Kun took Johnny’s hand and led him outside, mumbling about how he wanted to go to the market an hour away from the village.

When they got on the bus, there was no one other than them and the ride was silent, a comfortable one as they watched the scenery outside, hand in hand. Johnny let Kun play with his fingers as he rambled some stories about his home visits. Then thirty minutes into the ride, a mother and her son get on the bus, she was staring down at the both of them with a horrified expression but Johnny and Kun laughed it off. Kun didn’t let go of his hand, giving it a light squeeze instead as he pressed himself closer to Johnny, the scandalous look the mother had and the way she covered her son’s eyes was hilarious.

He didn’t let go even when they got off the bus, swinging their arms happily as they strolled down the street. He didn’t let go when they roamed around the market trying freebies with Kun constantly tugging him when he spotted interesting foods or ingredients he could use at home.

Kun never once thought of letting go of his hand, even when they have reached the comfort of their home again.

 

_don’t walk away, i’m falling down_

 

“That’s Sicheng, Yangyang and Kunhang.” Kun snuggled closer to Johnny, pointing at one of the pictures on the wall. “We met during the volunteer work in the North, they were an interesting bunch.”

Johnny had his hand buried in Kun’s brown locks, gently scratching his head just how Kun liked it.

“Yangyang decided it was funny to prank Sicheng,” Kun giggled as he recalled the memories and Johnny stared at his lover fondly. “Then Sicheng decided to just throw him into the river nearby our volunteering tent.”

He follows Kun’s finger moving to point at the kid’s drawing he was curious of since he first laid his eyes on it. “That was made by Renjun. Do you remember the grandma that threw her shoes at you, thinking that you were trying to break into our home?”

Johnny grimaced, his mind fleeting back to that exact day where he had nothing to defend himself from the flying shoes while shouting in broken Chinese until Kun came into the rescue. “That’s her grandson?”

Kun nodded, “There are no kids at his age around here, so he came over to play a lot.”

“Because you’re a baby too?”

“Youngho!”

“But you are– hey!” Johnny yelped when Kun started to hit him, “You are! My baby, my love, the bestest boyfriend.”

Kun huffed, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to look upset at Johnny but it slowly disappeared as Johnny kissed him once, twice, thrice and so on.

 

_한걸음 다가와 멀어지진 말아줘요_

 

Johnny shut his eyes close, relishing the way his name rolled off Kun’s tongue, the way he gasped when Johnny ran a finger up and down the expanse of Kun’s exposed thigh. He adjusted their position, his back against the headboard and drawn Kun closer so that his chest was flush against Johnny’s own.

Then Johnny drifted down to where Kun was baring his neck, open and inviting for him to indulge so he did. Johnny ignored the pain from the drag of fingernails across his arms as he sucked kisses alongside Kun's collarbone until he saw nothing but shades of red across the pale skin.

Johnny pulled away to get a better look, his own fingers digging crescents into Kun's hips as the latter had rolled his hips down against his thighs.

“Youngho,” Kun stared into his eyes, hips rolled down again and Johnny hissed, squeezing Kun’s waist as a warning. Johnny caught Kun’s breathy puffs with his lips again, swallowing the moans coming from the other as Kun’s pace escalated.

“Hurry up,” Kun mumbled in between the kiss.

Johnny pulled away, biting a smile from growing on his face, “You’re asking an injured man to hurry up, how cruel.”

“And you’re infuriating!” Kun shot him a glare.

“Say that again when you have my dick inside you.”

“YOUNGHO.”

 

_짙은 숨결 그대에게 닿기를 바래요_

 

Opening his eyes to find Kun’s head lying on his chest, snoring lightly in his sleep instead of a cold empty bed way back in his lonely flat was something Johnny wanted to cherish in his lifetime.

Johnny watched as Kun’s eyes slowly fluttered open, how he unwrap his arms off Johnny’s waist to stretch them out then Kun looked up, despite the sleepiness evident in his eyes, the smile that he sent to Johnny was blinding. Johnny's heart raced, it felt like he saw how beautiful Kun was for the first time in his life.

The way his lungs constricted only to demand him to release the air he had been holding and Johnny exhaled, “Good morning.”

Kun’s smile only widened as he lifted himself up, levelling his face to Johnny’s so he could lean down and Kun kissed him. Johnny had almost forgotten how nice it was to wake up next to someone you loved.

 

_하루하루 같은 이곳에 남겨져_

 

But there was nothing more painful than a separation. Johnny’s mood soured as he slowly packed his bag, Kun was beside him helping him fold all the clothes he had brought along, the silence this time was suffocating. Johnny could only feel his heart to ache as he shoved his things into the duffel bag.

His breaths came out heavy as he zipped the bag shut, Kun wasn’t looking at him but down when Johnny took his hands, bringing it to his face as he kissed the back of Kun’s hand, only then the other looked up.

Johnny stared into Kun’s eyes, shooting a small yet sad smile as he kissed each of his knuckles. Kun had been silent since last night and Johnny couldn’t blame him, it was a cycle that Johnny had put him through and Johnny couldn’t seem to do anything but to give the other silent promises.

Every step that he took towards the door was heavy, Kun was pressed to his side as they walk, not wanting to lose the intimacy for more than a second. Kun was standing still, rooted at the door when Johnny finally stepped outside but the grip on his hand tightened, both unwilling to let go.  
Johnny stared down at Kun, there was this bone-crushing ache in his heart that seemed to never go away and Johnny knew it would never, as long as Johnny didn’t have Kun in his arms, it wouldn’t go away.

“I’ll be back,” Johnny finally uttered a word. “Like I always do.”

Kun looked like he wanted to say something with how his lips open and then closed, but he ended up only nodding.

Truthfully, Johnny didn't know how long or when they would be drawn together again, not through the rare calls using the telephone booth or burner phone but just like it was these past week. How long he would have to put Kun through the same painful cycle or how long would their dream of peaceful life together. Not when there was a huge stake in his job, not when there was still a potential danger that loomed over his and Kun’s life.

“No hugs for me?” Johnny smiled, tugging Kun’s hand to pull him close.

Kun mumbled something that Johnny didn’t manage to catch, “Hm?”

“I won’t let go if you ask for one.” Kun said weakly but louder this time.

Johnny couldn’t help but to smile. _Oh how endearing he could be._

“I would like that.” Johnny replied casually and then Kun was holding him tight, arms wrapped around his waist so tightly that Johnny knew he was serious about not letting go.

“Youngho?” Kun whispered.

“Yeah?”  
“I love you.”  
“And I love you so.”

There was usually a length you would go through for a person, but for Kun, Johnny was willing to go over and beyond if it meant for the love of his life to be safe.

 

_나 그대에게 머물게요_

_내 생에 가장 아름다운_

_그대와 영원히_

 

What mattered at the end of the day, Johnny would always come back and that spending the rest of his life with Kun, in their little house in the small village wouldn’t be a wistful thinking anymore. It would be just them, hand in hand as they talk about anything and everything and Kun wouldn’t have to let go of his hands.

  


**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it :> there's a lot of plot holes honestly and i intend to keep it that way. you can just make it up in your own imagination bubble of what johnny does for a living but i think the few snippets here and there already gave away some hints. anyways thank you for reading this 3.5k of idk what i just wrote.
> 
> p.s. i honestly love this title so much


End file.
